I’ve always been the strong one. When everything goes wrong, I’m always the one that tries to make everyone feel better. No matter what the situation is. I’ve always been this way. Never let anyone see me cry. They will think I’m weak. I have to be strong. Even as a child. Growing up the way I did was hard. So hard. But I handled it. I stayed strong. Like I always do. I’ve always bottled the emotions. Wait until no one is around to let them out. It’s as if my catch phrase is “I’m okay.” And I always say that because I know that no matter how I feel at the moment, I will be okay. I don’t have any other options. I have to be okay. I always have to be okay. I can’t be weak. I can’t be fragile. I can’t be afraid. I have to be strong. No matter what. This is how I’ve lived my entire life.
But now… After this… I can’t do it anymore. I just can’t. I tried so hard to stay strong. But I couldn’t fight back the tears. So I ran to be alone. I couldn’t let them see what they’ve done to me. Run. Cry. Even if only for a minute. Then put on the strong face again. Because I can handle anything, right? At least that’s what I thought…. It’s been days now. I can’t keep hiding these feelings. I feel like I’m bursting at the seams. So I wait until everyone is asleep, and take a shower. No one can hear me cry or see my tears under the water. I don’t know what else to do. I’m trying so hard to be okay but, I’m just… Not. I’m terrified. I’m angry. I’m crushed. I’m falling apart. I’m not okay.
~ Just Another Broken Soul.