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There’s more to me than what you see

You’re familiar with my smiles, laughter and glee

What you don’t know is the side I hide

In my room til it’s gone – any proof I have cried

I don’t want to be viewed as someone ungrateful

I don’t want to admit I’m someone who is self-hateful

On paper I can list a large collection of blessings

In my head all I can focus on are things I’ve made messy

Almost two decades in, I cannot be trusted

To make normal decisions; honestly I’m disgusted

With myself, with my actions, the thoughts in my head

“Such a handsome, charming boy – why would he be such secretively bad?”

That’s what would be said if I took to be lead 

Not an option for me, I won’t be misled

By the statistics, percentages, the supposed facts

They say one in five of us will succumb to the cracks,

We’ll give in to the “flaws”, lack of proper brain composition

They say 20% will take their own lives – but I refuse to listen

Besides, a part of me will not trust or allow

Someone else to take my place in the things I do now

You see I like things done a certain way 

Like cleaning, organising, or creating at a certain time of day…

There’s more to me than what you see

You’re familiar with my smiles, laughter and glee…

~K@MMY1431

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